Long Way to Happy
by AlsLingo
Summary: Takes place during 2nd season, Logan is living with Duncan by this time. This was for a story I had wanted to start but didn't work out. Veronica isn't feeling well and Logan is dropping off home work. So please read, enjoy, love it. Review it please!


_People do dumb things for love. They pretend, they lie. They're unsure, and they're a little unsteady. But what if I was to tell you that there's only one person in the world for you. One. That's it. That's all you get. And they're not at all what your dreams had envisioned. In fact, they might even be the complete opposite. Now deep down you have to make a choice. What would you do, if there was only person in the world for you?_

It was late. Nearly 12:30 when he'd gotten enough courage to drop off the homework for her that Duncan had asked him to do as he ran out of the hotel suite to a meeting nearly five hours ago. Duncan was back at the suite, sleeping in his bed, and here he was, standing at the door of the one person that he vowed he wouldn't ever want to see again.

It was stupid he knew, the idea that he couldn't just drop off a bag for a friend. Except Veronica wasn't just a friend, at least anymore. The two of them hadn't been for a long time. Friendship had been effectively ruined sometime four months ago. If he was going to be really honest, their friendship hadn't been the same since Lilly died, he just hadn't wanted to believe it.

He knocked on the door of her apartment, waiting a minute or so before he realized that no one was going to answer the door. If only he could just sneak in and leave the bag on the counter, but that would require the door being unlocked.

Trying the door he was surprised to find his luck had changed. Well, he wouldn't call it good luck he though ironically turning the door knob. Slipping by the open door he found the living room empty, he placed the books on the counter. Out of the corner of his eye he caught the light from the bottom of a door and realized that she was home. He spoke loudly, "Veronica?"

Her head hurt. Her stomach hurt. Her arms, shoulder, hands hurt. Her eyes hurt from all the crying, of the lack of sleep. Parts without names hurt. Sighing, she sat down, leaning against the bathroom wall. The empty bottle of aspirin lay just out of reach next to the bathroom counter. Sweat glistening, stomach tightening it had been a long two hours holed up next to the toilet. "Too much," she murmured pulling herself away from the wall to get up; dizzy she slipped back down to the floor.

The door opened and before she knew it, Logan filled the doorway. If she had been able to see anything but a blurred figure she might have seen the worry in his eyes.

"What the hell?" A harsh whisper flew as he knelt down in front of her crumbled body. Fury nearly radiated out of him as he saw the small container lying next to her "Are trying to be an idiot?" He reached forward, pulling her into his arms trying to lift her up. Her reaction hadn't been one that he expected catching him off guard at the angry ball of girl in his arms.

"No," she struggled to free herself from his strong arms. Logan held her tighter to his chest, trying to keep her from fighting him. Her body wracked with sobs, she wiped them away furiously with the back of her hand. Pushing and kicking she spat, "don't touch me Logan." She shoved him away as hard as her weak body could manage, pushing him to the ground.

Recovering, Logan stood slowly, watching with a helpless heart, as a shell of the girl who once had so much spunk pulled her legs to her chest, eyes dull and hallowed out, stringy, unwashed hair that hung in her eyes. "Veronica get up." His words hard, his voice was soft but all she felt was desperation at the way he watched her.

She ran shaky fingers through her hair, "why won't you just go away? You beat me up and I take it, you tell me to go to hell and I listen. You're inside my head and I can't escape. Why won't you get out of my head and leave me alone?" He stilled at her words.

Taking a deep breath, he knelt down in front of her, fingers trembling as he reached for the empty bottle of aspirin, his words sharper than he intended, "how many did you take?"

Her eyes narrowed with fury, "I had a headache," Veronica mumbled tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I…I took too much." She made a grab for the bottle, but he held it out of her reach. "Give it back." Shoving the bottle in his jacket, he dropped to his knees, reaching out to hold her face in his hands, she closed her eyes, a tear slipping down her cheek, letting a breath out he ran his hands down her hair, holding the ends for a moment before pulling away.

He stood up, staring down at her his voice trembling, "get up and I will."

Awkwardly she pulled herself from the floor, fingers shaking she smoothed her hair away from her eyes. Her body broken and battered, she wrapped her arms around herself, as if she was trying to shield herself from him. Taking a step toward him, she could feel her legs weaken with each step. Ashamed of her weakness, tears sprang to her eyes as her legs began to give away. Lifting her head she met Logan's gaze, "Logan," she whispered as her world turned black.

Easily catching her falling body, he scooped her up in his arms turning towards to door. Nearly to her bedroom she gained consciousness, whispering "I'm sorry," Before he had a chance to reply she drifted out of consciousness again.

_Devastation grabs hold of you and threatens to take your very breath. Pulling a blanket over your head, suffocating you. Like a drug anger controls you, fear catapults you into the shadows with no finish and little memory of the beginning. All you know is that what you have is as real as it will ever be again. That all you have left is the only thing keeping you from drowning. Exhaustion takes you away; defeat is all that's left. All that devastation steels you against any sort of hope that might offer upon your way._

Logan sat silently in the darkness of Veronica's bedroom staring at the shape of her back. For the past two hours he watched the steady rhythm of her chest rising and falling. She wasn't dying, but something inside her had died, maybe it was when Lilly died or all the other times in between. All he knew was that he wanted desperately to fix whatever inside her that was broken.

_You just breathe. You take it in. You take it out. Like you've done a billion times before. Even if it hurts, it's something that you have to do, something that keeps you from dying. _

With every breath she took he wasn't any closer to finding the right thing to say to her. To take away the hurt that he saw in her eyes. The fractured, weakened version of the girl he'd known forever. Not even that, he couldn't find anything to say. Nothing that would fill the void of silence that lay between them, like a river flowing in one direction, he was fighting the current barely staying afloat. His fingers itched to touch her, to feel connected to something again.

_How do you take away the pain? How do you erase the haunted look in their eyes? How do you remove all the hurt you put there in the first place? How do you get past your own hurt and pain and try to comfort another?_ Every word, every thought would die on his tongue. Every question that rang in his brain felt unanswerable. He ached to touch her, to whisper that it was all going to be okay. Except this time he wasn't so sure if it really was going to be okay, not anymore. He'd stopped believing in the future, because that was an illusion, a lie that people told. A lie that kept people warm and snug at night, he lost his future and not much else mattered after that.

Taking a weary breath he closed his eyes, resting his head on his folded hands; it was still there he noticed, the reaction he felt every time he saw her was as fresh as the first time it happened, an overwhelming tidal wave crashing in to him over and over until he couldn't find air. That feeling that he thought was long gone from his heart came back at lightening speed. If this was love, he didn't want it. He didn't need the broken mess that lay behind him. Closing his eyes, letting the lull of sleep drag him away, he was sure of one thing, he didn't need to know that in the end, love wasn't enough.

The headache from earlier had dulled to a distant throb, it still didn't match the pain that she still felt. Her heart ached heavily with all the turmoil it had endured. It was all an accident, the aspirin. Inside her head she understood the need to clear your mind. Inside her heart, she was desperately afraid of losing. Her heart, her everything. The boy.

If this was the way love was supposed to feel, she didn't need it. She didn't need to hear her father cry in the middle of the night because she almost died and he couldn't save her. She didn't need to see the look in Logan's eyes, the pity she saw, he could keep. She was a fighter, she was Veronica Mars. Giving up, not an option. She didn't need a mom; she didn't need a best friend. She didn't even need the boy she thought was the world. But this new world, this was too much for her, with no mom, no Lilly, no perfect boyfriend wasn't for her. She wasn't strong enough for this new world. Maybe in the end, she was just too tired to fight anyways.

She was tired of everything, of people walking out on her, of people dying around her, but Logan, sat firm and steady. Who would have thought the reckless boy that had tormented her so, would be the steady one. She needed steady and she needed true. With her back to Logan, she could sense that he had fallen asleep, if anyone could sleep at a time like this it would be him, she thought with a small smile. How do you know if someone loves you? She didn't know what it must feel like to someone else; all she knew was how she saw it. The villain was the one that left; the hero was the person that stayed.

He had sat, facing her letting her beat at him, yell, scream vicious words. Yet he took them. With eyes, rimmed with redness, and fresh tears, he was steady. He wasn't letting go and in the end, she knew, that couldn't be enough.

Her heart screamed for him, pretending that he could take it away, that he could make it all better again. She would tell that lie, until she no longer recognized the truth. A lie could keep you safe if you let it, the truth could pummel you, especially when you aren't looking. And she needed that warm lie. She needed to know, just for tonight, that this was enough.

Veronica rolled over, sitting up facing Logan. His head turned to the side, breathing deep. Turning away, the tears that had dried earlier had found its way to the brim of her eye lashes. Tears, that earlier were fast and furious now were steady, they kept coming, rolling down her cheeks, she wiped them away, watching him. Her fence was falling, her barrier was breaking, realizing she was fighting a losing battle she finally relented and gave in.

The crying woke him; Logan opened his eyes to find Veronica, hunched over as sobs wracked her body. Slowly lifting himself out of the chair he sat down next to her on the bed. He wrapped his arms around her pulling her onto his lap enveloping her. Wrapping an arm around his waist, the other grabbing a fist full of his shirt, she released all the pain, fury and sadness that had been trapped inside her body for so long.

Stroking her hair, rocking back and forth, he waited her out. He loved. No matter what it had cost him. No matter where his heart had drifted in the past year, Veronica had been a fixed point.

Humming softly, a tune that he'd thought he'd forgotten, one his mom used to sing to him when he'd been scared; he held her tightly rocking back and forth. No matter which direction they traveled, he'd always found a way to her.

In that moment he realized he was no longer the screwed up son of Aaron Echolls. Or Duncan Kane's best friend, left behind boyfriend of Lilly, popular 09er. Or the moron who'd lost Veronica Mars. He was just Logan. And his heart was broken.

Her sobs soon turned into whimpers, she continued to hang on tight to him. He heard sniffling, and before he knew it she was asleep.

Lifting her gently off his lap, he laid her down on the bed. He pulled the covers over her shoulders careful to make sure she wouldn't be cold. Stretching out next to her, he pulled her close to his body until he could feel her breath on his neck. He fell asleep, a warm feeling creeping in, uncertainty grabbing him. The rest would wait, at least until tomorrow.

_And if told you that there was only one person in the world for you, you might say I was crazy. You might say that I was a little unsteady. But you would be wrong. When there's only one person in the world for you, you open your eyes and you take a real good look. You stop pretending how it should be and you face how it will be. You know, that in your heart, to the bottom of your soul that no other thing in the world would matter. Because your eyes are clear and your heart is steady. And you know that no other thing in this world could ever match. So would you give that up? _

_No, I say that when there's only one person in the world for you…you just… you take them as is._


End file.
